Seasons Change

The sun is finally peeking thru the gray clouds this afternoon. It's the first time it has made an appearance since last Saturday. Hurricane Sandy has hung around long enough here in West Virginia. On Tuesday morning we awoke to 6 inches of snow and while that was nice it quickly turned to a muddy mess as the snow changed into a light rain.

Halloween had to be rescheduled for tonight and the kids are looking forward to that.

The contrast from last Fridays weather to Tuesdays was quite stark. On Friday it was sunny, warm and 83 degrees....unusually warm for this part of West Virginia. By Friday evening, you could feel the cold front moving it. And by Saturday it was only 43 degrees and raining.

It seemed autumn ended and winter began without much of a transition.

Which made me think a lot about that is how I feel my life has become.

Papa Bud died on August 5th and by September 1st, I was moved away...188 miles to be exact to Richmond, Va. There was no transition it seemed. One day I was living a life I loved in my hometown, in my house and neighborhood that I loved, with my family close by that I loved and it seems like I blinked and the next thing I knew nothing was as it was.

Holidays changed. Traditions changed. Everything changed. Life changed.

And in that moment of time, I was so wrapped up in the shock of grief of losing him that I didn't even realize what was happening. I didn't realize I was moving so far from home, taking my kids away from the only home they really ever knew. Stripping away all of the traditions I had grown to love and cherish that had made me part of who I am. All of it would be gone. I lost Papa, and then I lost the life I had known. The grief outweighed my logical thinking though and that's probably a good thing because if it had dawned on me what I was leaving behind, I don't think I could have moved.

It's taken me three years to finally see this grief for what it is......I am mourning my old life.
It hurts. It stings. But life must go on. I am much happier now living in West Virginia than I was in Richmond. Here we have family. And I am so blessed to be so in love with my in laws. They make life fun again. But nothing can take away the pain I feel when I long for home. I long to hug my mom and grandmother. I long to see my sister. I long to be in familiar territory. I miss my old life so much.

And I appreciate SO MUCH MORE my family, and my hometown. The saying is true, you don't know what you have until it is gone. I miss North Carolina! I miss my family! But I am so blessed to at least be living near our WV family, and I know they are so thankful to be able to see little Karsen grow.

I wish there was a way we all could live near each other! Papa Bud would be so proud of me for being so brave and moving twice now to places I never dreamed I would be living. I miss him so much! As these seasons change, I think about how much my life has changed too. And I miss that season of my life.