He would be so proud of me

In the days following Papa's death, I was in a very bad place.

I would wake up crying, literally. The heaviness in my chest was painful. My heart was truly broken. It was a physical pain as much as it was an emotional loss.

The sadness was nothing like I had ever experienced before.

It was very hard to just live. I wondered if I would ever recover, would ever be normal again.

God knew what I needed and so He moved us 200 miles away almost immediately after Papa died. Moving forced me to get out of bed and stay busy. Coming to a new town forced me to rely on myself because we didn't have family close by to help.

Although it was so hard to leave, God knew I needed something to move me away from the pain. It still hurt being in Richmond away from my family, but in a way I was removed from having to see Papa's grave, going to his house and him not being there. Things God knew I needed to be away from at that time.

When I re-read some of my posts that I wrote immediately after he died, I realize how far I have come and he would be so proud of me.

I miss him so much and the pain still lies pretty close to the surface but I smile a lot more when I think about him. And that is a huge improvement from where I was when this sad walk without him began.