It's been a minute.....

Hi. It's been a while, I know.

Life has a way of creating some pretty heavy ebbs and flow that can sometime take you out of the game.

Spring 2013 was absolutely brutal for my family. We had to deal with some serious teen angst issues that ripped my heart apart. I lost the will to be creative and crawled into a safe hole of my own emotions. Thankfully, things are much better now. We survived and my relationship with our teen is stronger than ever. But wow, that was a doozy. I will never take for granted my strong relationships with my children ever again.

When I started this blog in 2008, Facebook was a novelty. There wasn't an Instagram or Twitter. Blogs were blogs. Not so much now. Even some of my favorite bloggers have pulled the plug updating readers through other social media formats.

I thought about deleting my blog many times. But each time I was racked with guilt about closing a chapter of my life that had brought me so much joy.

And there are a lot of reflections recorded here that I need to keep close. When Papa Bud died, when Karsen was born. Many memories that make me smile (and cry) when I read them. Sort of like an online diary.

Since my last post, I now have two high school graduates. My oldest is a junior in college, still pre-med. I have a rising 9th and 7th grader this fall and Karsen will begin Kindergarten!

Life today vs. 2013 is pretty smooth sailing.

So, I'm still here. I guess I am tougher than I thought.

What a week!

Last Sunday nite I went into the hospital for my scheduled induction.

The cervidil was brutal. I thought I would be going into the hospital, get a dose of cervidil and get some sleep. I figured I would wake up Monday morning in labor and all would be smooth.

Totally wrong.

First of all the cervidil is no joke. It's like having an octopus tentacle strung up inside of you. It produces cramps like nobody's business. It literally hurt MORE than the labor eventually would.

At 4am Monday morning, the midwife finally removed the cervidil and I began pitocin. I received my epidural at 7. It went super smooth. I held Papa Bud's fish the entire time.

By 10am I was in full on labor. At 12 was dilated to a 9. At 12:15 started pushing, and at 12:23, Karsen Rylee was born. She weighed 7.4 lbs and was 19 inches long.

The delivery went so smooth. I was so happy. We were discharged Wednesday. By Wednesday night however, I knew something was wrong.

My feet had begun to swell and I weighed MORE Wednesday night than I did when I had the baby.

By Friday I felt even worse. I went to the doctor and my blood pressure was 163/110. My feet at this point were so swollen my shoes hardly fit and I was short of breath.

Off to the ER I was sent. After a chest Xray revealed I had fluid on my lungs, I got scared.

I was admitted to the Intensive Cardio Care floor Friday night. I had to send John home with a 4 day old Karsen which was the hardest thing I ever did. By Saturday it was revealed I had a leak in one of my valves. It is called Mitral Valve Reguritation. It was probably caused by my severe swelling. It put excess stress on my heart. Within 2 days I had lost 17 lbs and the valve appears to be healing on its own.

So, this week has been a rough one. A beautiful birth on Monday and a scary situation on Friday. If I had not went to the Dr. on Friday, I could have had a stroke or heart failure. That was beyond scary.

I am feeling much better and was released from the hospital on Friday. What a week!

Vacay in Virginia!

Hello blogging friends!

I am busy packing for a quick weekend trip to Richmond, Virginia.

Me and the older boys are driving up on Friday thru Sunday. My husband was transferred to the Richmond area last fall and it looks like me & the kids are finally ready to put our house on the market so that we can join him.

Friday we will be looking at a few properties to rent and Saturday we are heading to King's Dominion for some roller coaster riding!

We are heading home Sunday and I hope we aren't too tired so that I can stop By DUKE and visit their bookstore. They have the best DUKE gear at the campus store! Me & the boys are HUGE DUKIES! (Even football!)

We are leaving the little ones home with grandma so that we can tour as many homes & condos as possible without them tiring out. Also, its hard to take Tate to amusements parks becasue of his seizures.

I am a little nervous to say the least...I have basically lived in my little hometown my entire life. Richmond is about 5 hours away and with Papa Bud not doing so well, it makes me nervous to not be just down the road from him.

But God is good and even though I don't know what the future holds, I know who holds my future!

Have a GREAT weekend and I will be back on Monday sharing stories and pictures from our quick little vackay!

Please keep us in your prayers!

My Papa Bud

His hands are weathered by age. Diabetes and his heart disease have left them swollen and near useless. But when I think about my Papa Bud, my maternal grandfather, his hands are what I love most about him.

They are big for one thing. As a little girl I can remember reaching up for his hands and how they would swallow my tiny hand whole when he held them. It was comforting knowing that my big, strong grandfather loved me so much.

He calls me #1. I'm his first grandchild and he spoiled me rotten. To this day, besides my children, there is no one on this earth who I could love more.

He is the only man in my life to have never let me down. Ever.

He is the only person in my life who 'gets' me. He applauds my stubbornness. Almost sees it as a virtue. And we have a bond that transcends even my own understanding of love.

I lived with him for one year during high school. My grandmother was often out of town taking care of her elderly parents. So I decided to move in with Papa Bud. I would clean & cook for him. He would wake me up every morning for school with chocolate milk.

And even though he read my diary once and would sometimes slick his hair straight down the middle if he knew I was going on a date just to embarrass me, I loved that time in my life so much! Going to church with him, even going shopping with him were times I knew even at the age of 15 were to be treasured.

His health has slowly deteriorated. A man who worked outside in his yard when he wasn't earning a wage every day of his life can no longer walk to his mailbox.

His breathing is poor. His mobility gone. I am losing my Papa Bud. Diabetes and heart disease is taking him from me and my family in a slow, cruel, agonizing battle.

A few years ago, I bought him a journal. It was really a gift for me though at the time I didn't realize how much of a treasure it would become.



It asks him questions about his life. He filled it out and returned it to me within a week.

Along with the baby pictures of my children, it truly is one of my greatest possessions on earth.

When I read it, I laugh, I cry. I know what a treasure it is going to be to have this book with me when he no longer is.




Papa Bud is a very funny man. Some of the entries make me laugh. For example, he writes some good advice:

Never squat if you wear spurs.
Never sneeze if playing hide and seek.
Never drink from a creek unless you are upstream from the bull.
Keep your mouth closed if you are underwater.

I am not a emotional person for the most part, but something about Papa Bud makes me very emotional. It has always been like that. I love him something fierce.

I save all of his voice mails to my phone. Every time I hug him, I hold on a second longer just in case. I have done this even before he became ill.

This man has been a gift to me. And I am honestly not sure how I will be after he is gone.

The song Brad Paisley recorded a few years ago sums it up, "When I get to Where I'm Going". Especially this part:

I'm gonna walk with my grand daddy

And he'll match me step for step

And I'll tell him how I missed him

Every minute since he left

Then I'll hug his neck

He wrote me a letter a few years ago. He knew I was having a hard time dealing with his illness.
This is what he wrote to me:

#1,

I am going to try and answer your letter.

You said one day I would not answer the phone.

That is right and the way it has to be but don't feel sorry for me.

It is OK to feel sad. You have to get the sadness out of your heart to make room for the happiness and pride to follow.

The pride and happy feeling when your kids do well. When they are baptized. When they graduate.

And most of all when you see your first grandchild!!! So don't feel sorry for me. I have had a wonderful life.

Kids, grandkids. The love of a great family.

I wouldn't trade places with the richest man alive.

I know where I will go and I will be happy there seeing all my loved ones again and others will follow.

So smile and as Raini always say, 'don't worry, be happy'.

Love you,

Papa Bud

I love you Papa Bud. Thank you for teaching me about life, love, true happiness and preparing my heart for a future that will one day have us reunited!

I love you! Your #1.