Grief

Pawpaw in the yellow sweatshirt. 2006.

Pawpaw is not doing worse, but not doing better. He is in between life and death. The process is slow and painful. Not only for Pawpaw, but also for the ones by his side. Watching someone you love slip slowly away takes a special kind of love. Its gut wrenching but you do it anyway.

I remember sitting by Papa Bud as he died. Part of me wanted the process to hurry and be done with so he could rest in peace. Another part of me wanted to cling to him and never let him go.

The doctors are now saying Pawpaw has maybe 2 weeks. 2 weeks ago they said 2-4 months. It just seems unfair. Last year at this time, Pawpaw was playing golf every day the weather would let him and now he can barely talk. Cancer is cruel.

I read this a few months ago and it brought me a lot of comfort. I think I will share it with my sisters in laws when the time comes.

Grief is different for a follower of Christ. Even in the depths of sorrow, hope breathes. Hope that you will see your loved one again in heaven. Hope in God's capacity to infuse suffering with purpose. And hope that because of His healing power, your sorrow will not go on forever.~ Maureen Rank

Tomorrow marks 10 months since Papa Bud died. Almost an entire year has gone by. I miss him as much, if not even more, than I did in those first few weeks. But I continue to grieve with hope 1 Thess 4:13.