Losing Papa, moving far from home and dealing with the economic aftermath that resulted three years ago when John lost his handsomely paid job, my father in law being diagnosed with lung cancer.....its been a tough climb trying to rebound.
By Friday, I felt as though I had bottomed out. Our house has been on the market since 7/31 and no buyers. We even listed it as a short sale but still no luck. If it doesn't sell soon we may lose it. Faced with that news on Friday I just cried. This was my bottom.
While I was raking the leaves in my rented yard, a thought crossed my mind.
I remembered that commercial from the 1980's where the old lady has fallen and she can't get up. I once laughed at that commercial in front of Papa and he read me the riot act. I never laughed at that commercial again.
But on Friday I thought this, my faith has fallen God, and it won't get back up.
Where are you God? Because I am at my end. How much more bad news before I can see a rainbow? My faith is shaken.
And then, as if God knew I needed this, I got an email from a dear friend later that evening.
He made the mistake of asking how I was and I unloaded to him my troubles and pain and how I felt overshadowed by grief and despair.
And my dear friend told me this,
"first off God loves you and has a plan for your life there is no doubt about that, and this tough time is just one of life's wildernesses. A wise man once said to me(that sounded corny)but in the wilderness God separates the saints from the aints and you are a saint Tren, so put your head down and hold fast through this storm it will get better, I promise you".
And then on Sunday while I was again raking, and strangely enough, raking under the same tree where I had my first cry out to God, my rake hit what I thought was a rock.
I brushed away some dirt and pulled out what I thought was maybe a toy. I tossed it back onto the ground. A few minutes later I picked it up and really brushed off the dirt and this was what I found:
A church. A tiny bisque church. Not a toy. Not a yard ornament. What in the world was it doing buried under the stump of a tree?
That was the rainbow I needed.
I am going to try harder to let faith be faith.
I don't expect God to clean up my messes overnight but I do need to fight harder to see the blessings that can come out of such hard times.
I miss Papa. I miss my house, my home, my family and friends. I pray that our home sells soon and I pray for my father in law's healing. These are my storms I am fighting.
Be like the bird that, passing on her flight awhile on boughs too slight, feels them give way beneath her, and yet sings, knowing that she hath wings. ~Victor Hugo
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