Rainy, The Rainbow Gnome

It has long been my dream to write a children's story.

I finally have the character. And today I finally finished the first story.

It's about a little woodland gnome named Rainy.

I am going through the process of trying to find a literary agent while at the same time submitting the manuscript to publishers who accept unsolicited books.

Its a process! But wish me luck. This may be the blessing my family has been praying for in finding supplemental income for our family!

Dreams Are Good

I truly believe that dreams are sometimes God's way of comforting us.

I haven't had any dreams of Papa Bud since Karsen was born--- until last night.

I dreamed Papa Bud was teaching a Sunday school class in an old church. It looked as if we were in his hometown of Andrews, NC. There were lots of mountains and it was a very rural, country setting.

In the dream, I made Papa Bud a craft and I wrote on it "Have I told you lately that I love you?". I took it to his desk and he handed me a note.

I walked back to my desk and opened the note and he too had written me, "Have I told you lately that I love you?".

I walked back to his desk and gave him a big hug and we laughed at how much alike we think. Then he told me, "Tell Mama Jo that I miss her".

Then the dream ended.

When I was in 10th grade, I lived with Papa Bud while Mama Jo cared for her dying parents in Boone, NC. She would be gone two weeks out of the month. So I moved in to take care of Papa. Papa Bud would make my lunches and he would always put a note in my sandwich bag. I started putting notes in his lunch pail too. I kept most of them. He always made me feel so loved. I was so lucky to have a grandpa like him

It was a sweet and comforting dream. I miss that man so much. Hearing his voice so clear and strong gives me great comfort and peace of heart and mind. Knowing that he is HOME and no longer in pain makes me truly happy for him.

I read a poem last week and it makes me rejoice for Papa Bud being in heaven.

Do you shed tears because he is gone

or do you smile because he has lived?

You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back

or you can open your eyes and see the life he lived.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see him

or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can remember him only that he is gone,

or you can cherish his memory & let it live on!

Dreaming.....................

All I have left of Papa Bud is my memories and dreams. Over the last year, I have been lucky to have several very vivid dreams of him.

In most of the dreams, he is in the background. He isn't an integral part of the dream but I know he is there.

In one of my dreams, he spoke to me very clearly and it was his voice. That was a pretty great dream.

I have dreamed of him twice in the last week.

In the first dream, Papa Bud was holding a newborn baby bean---Karsen. He was smiling from ear to ear. I could see his pride. Papa always loved holding the new babies. He would hold them up like a baby Simba from the Lion King. In my dream, he didn't say anything. He just held her, looked at me and smiled.

In the second dream, we were sitting in someone's kitchen but I don't know where. He had his shirt off. He loved to go without a shirt in the summer. He was drinking coffee. I walked over to him and sat on his knee. I put my face into his shoulder and cried and I told him that living without him was heartbreaking. He looked right at me and simply said, "Don't". Papa hated crying. So even in my dreams he tells me not to cry. The dream ended after that.

This year has been so crazy. Nothing in my life resembles what was going on last year. It's been a roller coaster of emotions and pain, happiness and anticipation, love and loss and new beginnings. I miss him and the anniversary of his death is just weighing down on me so heavily. I am stuck here in Richmond waiting on Bean to arrive so not being able to be with my family right now for the first anniversary of his death is really hard.

I always knew losing him would be hard. I never considered living without him would be even harder.