Tate at my moms house, a few weeks before his seizure. This would have been the last picture of him had he left us that day.The
internet can be a wonderful thing. It can also be a bad thing, but for the most part, I find it to be an invaluable resource.
Over the last few months as I have began my blog, I have come across three blogs that have truly touched my life.
One was a
man whose wife died one day AFTER the birth of their little girl.
Another was the tragic death of a
baby girl. She was less than a year old and had been getting reoccurring ear infections. To the horror of her parents, a cancerous tumor was discovered and this baby died less than two months after her diagnosis. Stunning her family and community.
And just recently, I read of a family whose
brave little girl, just 17 months old, had succumbed to a lung infection. This precious baby was born premature, had fought her entire little life to live and just when her parents had thought they were "safe", she died one day after going into the hospital.
When you read these blogs, you can feel the pain these people are feeling. It makes you want to shout to God, WHY!?! Why this mother....why this baby, why this premature baby who has fought so hard....
My youngest son Tate has seizures. His first occurred when he was 2 1/2. I had just returned to my part time job as a church secretary after giving birth to my daughter. I was in the office of our Worship Minister when our receptionist burst into his office and said to me, "You have to get to your moms house, There has been an emergency..."
I asked was it my grandfather--who has congenital heart disease, or my husband-he frequently travels....."No" she said. "It's Tate. He isn't breathing and they have called an ambulance to resuscitate him".
Ok, so I immediately drop my breakfast and fall against the hallway wall. Someone, still don't know who, picks me up. "Dan will drive you", the receptionist says....
Dan? Dan? You mean our minister who lost a dear, sweet baby a few years ago.... I am thinking....Tate must be dead.
That's why they are having Dan take me to him. They always send Dan when a child dies.......My mind is racing. We get to the parking lot but I cannot find my car. I cannot remember where I parked it. What it looks like. My mind is blank.
Luckily due to a recent ice storm I had lost a hubcap & Dan recognizes my car. Off we go. We begin the 5 minute drive to my moms house.
My stomach hurts. I want to puke but I don't want Dan to stop the car. How do I tell John our little boy is dead....How do I pick out a coffin for my baby......This is going to kill me"....these thoughts flood my mind. I literally cannot breathe. My heart hurts so bad it is crushing me. I am in shock, I am just a shell.
We finally pull into my moms long driveway...there are EMT and fireman walking in and out of her house. There is a fireman on the porch on his knees, his hands are covering his face...I feel like I am going to pass out.
I jump out of the car while Dan is still driving it and run past the fireman.
I burst into my moms house. On the floor I see my little
blonde headed boy, Tate. He has his shirt cut open and he is breathing.
THANK YOU GOD is all I can say. My heart begins to beat. The love I have for that little boy at that moment is still to this day
indescribable. It overwhelmed me.
We rush him to the ER by ambulance and after a few tests we discover that Tate has had a seizure. His seizure had caused him to quit breathing. Since Tate had never had a seizure before and wasn't convulsing, my mom thought he had choked. He wasn't breathing and was turning blue when she called 911.
God blessed my world that day.
However, it took months for me to get back to normal.
The darkness that had come across my heart that morning didn't leave even after Tate left the hospital. The thought of death had left its scar. Coming so close to what I thought was losing my son was unbearable...so how do parents who TRULY lose their babies ever survive?
Why hadn't this powerful God
blessed the
bloggers I mentioned above? Who are we to question God?
God has used these precious lives in a way that the families would have never believed.
The Liz Logelin foundation gives money to families who have lost a spouse or partner.
Little
Cora Paige's family has collected donations in hopes of building playgrounds across the country
for less fortunate children.
And tiny
Maddie Sporh's mom continues to champion awareness and funding for the March of Dimes. Maddie's walk a few weeks ago raised over 30,000.
When bad things happen, people tend to say, WHERE WAS GOD? WHY DIDN'T GOD COME THROUGH?
I understand that...but thank God there is a God. For death, illness, pain...it's a part of life. Even if there was no God these things still would happen. Aren't you thankful that when bad things happen there is a Father waiting for you to dry your tears, provide comfort and even turn something so horrible into a blessing?
Its easy for me to talk about Tate. He survived. He has had several
seizures since that day back in 2003, but God has always been there.
God will also use Tate. God is good.
"
.....and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away." ~REV 21:4
