Larry, my hero

Last week we traveled home for a quick mini vacation. I will blog about that later.

The week was going great until I received a phone call.

"Larry Brown died this morning of a heart attack", my mom told me.

I was in shock. Instantly saddened. Tears instantly flowing.
I had just spoke to him on facebook last week for my birthday. He had told me "Happy Birthday Baby Girl".

Larry was our former town mayor in Kernersville. He was also a member of the NC House of Representatives. He gave over 30 years of his life to being a public servant.

He was perhaps, the most influential person I had ever known. I called him "pops'. We had a inside joke that we shared that he was secretly my father and my  mom had kicked him to the curb. Of course, this was not true. Just light hearted fun but I loved him as though he was Pops. My mom and sister were also very close to him.

In 1997, my first husband abandoned me with a 3 year old Jonathan and 2 year old Justin --just 7 weeks before Christmas. Larry quietly gave me $100 dollars and refused a payback. He wanted my boys to have a nice Christmas. He would never let me tell anyone about this charitable donation because he didn't want people to think he did it for attention or for the wrong reasons.

He was always there ready to dispense sound advice to me. Whether it was about state funding for Jonathan's college or when I needed help writing letters to Senators about the housing crisis, I always knew I could turn to Larry for the best advice.

He was fiscally sound and despised wasted money. You could guarantee that if Larry was in charge of something, it would be done correctly and on budget.  Even if you disagreed with him, he was a true southern gentleman. He worked tirelessly to improve the state of NC and the city of Kernersville.

He was up for re-election this May but lost on a 3 person primary ballot. It didn't help his district had been eliminated. I wrote to him and told him that God must have something bigger in store for him. I didn't know it would be Heaven. But that is where I am sure he is now.

I will miss you Larry. You were so much more than just a friend to me. You were family. you were "pops". My mom should have never kicked you to the curb because you were the finest person to grace our lives. We will miss you so much!

 

A life too short....but not to God

Photo from Stesha Warren Facebook

This morning I have a baby on my mind.

It's a baby I will never meet. Its a baby born to a family I don't even know. And her story is heartbreaking. She was born early via a c-section due to a car accident. And even though she was almost 35 weeks gestation, and she weighed almost 6 lbs, this sweet two day old infant died last night.

Her parents are devastated. What should have been a time of such happiness and love has turned into a dark storm of sadness.

It makes you want to cry out to God and scream WHY!?!

As the baby breathed her last breath, the parents held her and sung, "Victory in Jesus". 

Now THAT is  faith in God. When you can sing THAT song as your baby breaths her last is an AMAZING testimony of faith. Heartbreaking and heartwarming all at once. God bless them!

Every life lived is a life that has meaning and according to God, Psalm 39:4 " Show me, O LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life."

No matter if you die at 101, or 2 days. Your life has a purpose.

He knows every second. He knows the beginning and the ending and every life matters.

It's hard to grasp that as you prepare to say goodbye to your only baby, but I pray this family feels God closest now.


Max Lucado says it best:


But her days here were so few . . .

Her life was so brief . . .

To us it seems that way. We speak of a short life, but compared to eternity, who has a long one? A person’s days on earth may appear as a drop in the ocean. Yours and mine may seem like a thimbleful. But compared to the Pacific of eternity, even the years of Methuselah filled no more than a glass. James was not speaking just to the young when he said, “Your life is like a mist. You can see it for a short time, but then it goes away”
(James 4:14 NCV).
In God’s plan every life is long enough and every death is timely. And though you and I might wish for a longer life, God knows better.

Lord, I Miss Them

I miss these men something powerful.

My grandfather & my father in law. Both gone within 9 months of each other. Its still so painful and there is an emptiness that will never be filled.

Their lives meant so much to so many, and I would give anything to be able to place Baby Karsen on their knees.

And so it is.......

Christmas 2007

My dear father in law was rushed to the hospital on Saturday. John & the kids were already on there way to see him. Because of my anemia, I had stayed back in Richmond. Oh how I wish I had gone.

The news isn't good. Hospice is being called in. And on Wednesday, Pawpaw will either go home with the help of Hospice or he can go to the Hospice home in WV.



Either way, he is being sent home to die in peace and without pain. Surrounded by the love of a large family.



It's so similar to what happened to Papa almost 10 months ago. It just breaks my heart. It is almost like I am reliving Papa all over again. My sisters in laws are so wonderful and to know the pain they are going thru just kills me. They are so strong and have helped my mother in law in so many ways. Being so far away from them makes it worse. You feel helpless.

Baby Bean will never hear the laugh of her PawPaw Hanson. She will never squirm in his arms as he lays dozens of kisses on her. He will never be able to bribe her with candy or a dollar for a hug and kiss. So many moments I feel have been stolen by cancer.

He is surrounded by so much love as our family is quite large and just like Papa Bud, he is a blessed man. How many of us get to leave this earth surrounded by that much love? Love is all we will take with us. I just wanted a chance to say goodbye and it looks as if I will miss that moment. Baby Bean will miss every moment.

Where Was God?

Tate at my moms house, a few weeks before his seizure. This would have been the last picture of him had he left us that day.

The internet can be a wonderful thing. It can also be a bad thing, but for the most part, I find it to be an invaluable resource.

Over the last few months as I have began my blog, I have come across three blogs that have truly touched my life.

One was a man whose wife died one day AFTER the birth of their little girl.

Another was the tragic death of a baby girl. She was less than a year old and had been getting reoccurring ear infections. To the horror of her parents, a cancerous tumor was discovered and this baby died less than two months after her diagnosis. Stunning her family and community.

And just recently, I read of a family whose brave little girl, just 17 months old, had succumbed to a lung infection. This precious baby was born premature, had fought her entire little life to live and just when her parents had thought they were "safe", she died one day after going into the hospital.

When you read these blogs, you can feel the pain these people are feeling. It makes you want to shout to God, WHY!?! Why this mother....why this baby, why this premature baby who has fought so hard....

My youngest son Tate has seizures. His first occurred when he was 2 1/2. I had just returned to my part time job as a church secretary after giving birth to my daughter. I was in the office of our Worship Minister when our receptionist burst into his office and said to me, "You have to get to your moms house, There has been an emergency..."

I asked was it my grandfather--who has congenital heart disease, or my husband-he frequently travels....."No" she said. "It's Tate. He isn't breathing and they have called an ambulance to resuscitate him".

Ok, so I immediately drop my breakfast and fall against the hallway wall. Someone, still don't know who, picks me up. "Dan will drive you", the receptionist says....

Dan? Dan? You mean our minister who lost a dear, sweet baby a few years ago.... I am thinking....Tate must be dead. That's why they are having Dan take me to him. They always send Dan when a child dies.......My mind is racing. We get to the parking lot but I cannot find my car. I cannot remember where I parked it. What it looks like. My mind is blank.

Luckily due to a recent ice storm I had lost a hubcap & Dan recognizes my car. Off we go. We begin the 5 minute drive to my moms house.

My stomach hurts. I want to puke but I don't want Dan to stop the car. How do I tell John our little boy is dead....How do I pick out a coffin for my baby......This is going to kill me"....these thoughts flood my mind. I literally cannot breathe. My heart hurts so bad it is crushing me. I am in shock, I am just a shell.

We finally pull into my moms long driveway...there are EMT and fireman walking in and out of her house. There is a fireman on the porch on his knees, his hands are covering his face...I feel like I am going to pass out.

I jump out of the car while Dan is still driving it and run past the fireman.

I burst into my moms house. On the floor I see my little blonde headed boy, Tate. He has his shirt cut open and he is breathing.

THANK YOU GOD is all I can say. My heart begins to beat. The love I have for that little boy at that moment is still to this day indescribable. It overwhelmed me.

We rush him to the ER by ambulance and after a few tests we discover that Tate has had a seizure. His seizure had caused him to quit breathing. Since Tate had never had a seizure before and wasn't convulsing, my mom thought he had choked. He wasn't breathing and was turning blue when she called 911.

God blessed my world that day.

However, it took months for me to get back to normal.

The darkness that had come across my heart that morning didn't leave even after Tate left the hospital. The thought of death had left its scar. Coming so close to what I thought was losing my son was unbearable...so how do parents who TRULY lose their babies ever survive?

Why hadn't this powerful God blessed the bloggers I mentioned above? Who are we to question God?

God has used these precious lives in a way that the families would have never believed.

The Liz Logelin foundation gives money to families who have lost a spouse or partner.

Little Cora Paige's family has collected donations in hopes of building playgrounds across the country for less fortunate children.

And tiny Maddie Sporh's mom continues to champion awareness and funding for the March of Dimes. Maddie's walk a few weeks ago raised over 30,000.

When bad things happen, people tend to say, WHERE WAS GOD? WHY DIDN'T GOD COME THROUGH?

I understand that...but thank God there is a God. For death, illness, pain...it's a part of life. Even if there was no God these things still would happen. Aren't you thankful that when bad things happen there is a Father waiting for you to dry your tears, provide comfort and even turn something so horrible into a blessing?

Its easy for me to talk about Tate. He survived. He has had several seizures since that day back in 2003, but God has always been there.

God will also use Tate. God is good.

".....and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away." ~REV 21:4