Prayers for West Liberty

Friday was eerie. It stormed most of the day and there was a lot of  talk in the news that tornado activity was a high probability.

To be honest, I wasn't worried. We live in the mountains.....tornadoes can't pass thru mountains....can they?

We even ate dinner out. Something that is rare with Karsen feeling so bad still.

But on the way home the clouds looked really bad. You could see the storm line and it was creepy.

We got home and turned the news on. Tornado warnings were all around us and Doppler radar had detected a big one just to the south east of us. I have lived in Kansas (when I was 8). I remember all too well the tornado siren in the town of Osage and being led into the "storm closet" in my mom's bedroom.

I have lived in North Carolina almost my entire life and lived thru a devastating tornado in Kernersville in 1989 and one that hit in 1999 10 miles of my house in Clemmons.

I never thought I would see tornadoes in West Virginia!

West Liberty, KY is just to the south east of my town. And they were basically wiped off of the map. My heart aches for those who have lost everything. One woman on the news tonight lost her daughter and mother. My heart cannot even imagine.

This storm also claimed the lives of an entire young family in Indiana. Sadly, the only survivor of the family, a baby girl named Angel, died tonight.

Baby Angel will now be reunited with her baby sister and brother, and I pray her parents.

A friend of mine asked me tonight on Facebook, why does God allow such pain, why do some survive, and others don't?

The best answer that I could muster was this:

God has a purpose for everything and every thing has a reason and purpose. For some, death is how He becomes glorified. For others, living thru pain is how He is glorified. This is where Faith steps in. You have to trust Him in all things, good and bad. For some of us, it takes something bad to turn to God. Whatever the reason, the end is this....in the end everyone dies and it is so important to know where you are going. There is a heaven and there is a hell. Walk with faith, walk by faith and know that He loves you so much. Even the shortest lives on earth are timely in His timing. And the longest lives on earth are just a second when compared to eternity. I once read in a Max Lucado book that in God's plan, every life is long enough and every death is timely. We shall all face death, but thanks to Jesus, we only face it's shadow.

I am so far from being the person I want to be. But I promise everyone, I am trying. Everyday before I go to bed I ask for forgiveness because there is nothing more than I want than to oneday be reunited with my family--Papa Bud-- and hear those words spoken to me, "Good job my faithful servant".

Please remember the people of West Virginia, Ohio, Indiana and Kentucky tonight in your prayers.

My Dear Billy. My Best Friend.

Sometimes, God takes over your life.


I realized that in the summer of 2002. I was searching for a part time job, and I was 2 months pregnant with Ashton.


I gave my Aunt my resume at church one Sunday. She accidentally left it on a church pew and a few days later I received a phone call from the Associate Minister wanting to know when I wanted to come in for an interview.


I tried to explain to him that I wasn't applying for the church secretary job but he insisted I come in and interview....his rationale was they needed a part time secretary and I needed a part time job. This was God stepping into my life, putting  me firmly where He wanted me to be and I couldn't argue with God.


So, I  found myself working there as a church secretary for several years, and I loved it. Truly loved it.


The absolute BEST thing to happen to me while working at First Christian was meeting someone who became my best friend, my partner in crime (as we both loved playing pranks).


It didn't matter to me that Billy Keene was a good 30 plus years my senior, or that he walked with a cane, or that he could be a little grumpy in the morning if I didn't have his Pepsi waiting. Billy became my best friend.


What I loved about Billy was that he would try anything. No fear. He even mastered (sort of) the new fancy phone system our church had put in (no easy feat, it was hard). He learned to use a computer. At one time he was responsible for printing out and cutting all of the birthday's for our Children's Ministry (over 50 birthday's a month!). He moved into my office and we were a team. He helped me thru some rough times. Billy had my back. I grew to love him tremendously.


Billy's faith was rock solid. His favorite hymn was "Victory in Jesus". He loved to hum it while he worked and I loved to listen to him as he did. We were a perfect pair and we were happiest when locked away in our office working for God.


He was a huge DUKE fan, major plus,  and we liked to give the UNC ministers on staff a hard time...even if DUKE wasn't having a winning season. The way me & Billy carried on, you would have thought DUKE was winning.


He walked with a cane and if you got in his way, he would lightly (sometimes not lightly) give you a tap with it. 


My mornings were made better because of him. 


Billy was a one man Church Army recruiter. He brought more people, other seniors, into our Church office to volunteer than anyone I had ever known. And he put them to work. Billy saved our church hundreds of thousands of dollars over the years because of his volunteering and the others he brought into the church to volunteer. He was my hero.


And he would put them to work, stuffing and folding bulletins every Friday. It was like a weekly party to Billy. He loved being surrounded by friends and fellow followers.


One thing that stands out to me was how Billy could interact with Tate. When Tate was 2, before the seizures started, we were seeing a child therapist thinking he may have Asperger's syndrome (a form of autism). Tate didn't interact with people, he didn't talk much.


But he did with Billy. Billy would always talk loudly and directly to Tate. He would say, "Tate, give me high 5", and Tate would comply. He would say. "Tate, put it in the hole" and he would hold his hand out and Tate would place his tiny hand into Billy's. This interaction was HUGE. And to this day Tate remembers that.



As all good things must come to an end, so did my time at FCC&A in the spring of 2006. It was bittersweet for both of us. We knew our special bond would survive even if I wasn't working there but it never was quite the same. But I was proud of him. He kept at his work and my mom, who also worked there, took him under her wing and he flourished even more...even getting his own computer to do work on!


Still, I knew Billy loved me and I loved him and that would never change.


Billy came to Papa Bud's viewing and he knew how much that meant to me. Papa also knew how special Billy was to me. How blessed am I to have had the love and support of two Godly men like that?


I saw Billy this summer. He was frail and in a wheelchair but as I approached him, a big smile broke out on his sweet face. "I love you, Billy Keene and don't you forget it" I told him. "I love you, too" he said and then he told Tate to "Put in in the hole, Tate!" And Tate did.


I got word last night that Billy was in Hospice and they aren't giving him long. Part of me is crushed with sadness, but the other part of me is so happy for him.


He will finally be rewarded with that "Victory in Jesus" he has long sung about.


My Dear Sweet Billy, 
Promise me that you will be one of the first to welcome me home on my sweet day, and save me a desk in your new heavenly office. 
I love you and will miss you every day until I see your sweet, happy face again.
Love, Trinity


My best friend was over 70 years old. And we were quite a team!

A life too short....but not to God

Photo from Stesha Warren Facebook

This morning I have a baby on my mind.

It's a baby I will never meet. Its a baby born to a family I don't even know. And her story is heartbreaking. She was born early via a c-section due to a car accident. And even though she was almost 35 weeks gestation, and she weighed almost 6 lbs, this sweet two day old infant died last night.

Her parents are devastated. What should have been a time of such happiness and love has turned into a dark storm of sadness.

It makes you want to cry out to God and scream WHY!?!

As the baby breathed her last breath, the parents held her and sung, "Victory in Jesus". 

Now THAT is  faith in God. When you can sing THAT song as your baby breaths her last is an AMAZING testimony of faith. Heartbreaking and heartwarming all at once. God bless them!

Every life lived is a life that has meaning and according to God, Psalm 39:4 " Show me, O LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life."

No matter if you die at 101, or 2 days. Your life has a purpose.

He knows every second. He knows the beginning and the ending and every life matters.

It's hard to grasp that as you prepare to say goodbye to your only baby, but I pray this family feels God closest now.


Max Lucado says it best:


But her days here were so few . . .

Her life was so brief . . .

To us it seems that way. We speak of a short life, but compared to eternity, who has a long one? A person’s days on earth may appear as a drop in the ocean. Yours and mine may seem like a thimbleful. But compared to the Pacific of eternity, even the years of Methuselah filled no more than a glass. James was not speaking just to the young when he said, “Your life is like a mist. You can see it for a short time, but then it goes away”
(James 4:14 NCV).
In God’s plan every life is long enough and every death is timely. And though you and I might wish for a longer life, God knows better.

Tate's Awful Anniversary

Tate at age 2.5

Today isn't only my mom's birthday....it's also the 8th anniversary of my 10 year old son Tate's first seizure.

My mom was watching Tate on May 22, 2003 while I was at work.

She walked into her living room and found Tate on the floor unconscious, already turning blue. He was not breathing.

Since he had never had a seizure before, my mom thought he had choked. I was at work 10 minutes away when I got the phone call that 911 had been called and my mom was trying to resuscitate him. I thought he was dead. It was the darkest moment of my life being driven to my mom's house not knowing what I would find.

By the time I got to my mom house, he was breathing again. We went to the ER that day and Tate was later released that same evening. What a nightmare!

Over the next 4 years tate had over 10 seizures and was on a large amount of anti seizure meds which made him very disoriented. It was very hard for him to keep up with his peers in school. It was frightening wondering when the next seizure was going to strike. It was scary not knowing when or where the next seizure would take place. It was also scary knowing the medication he was on was possibly handicapping his learning ability.

But God is so good and has healed him. Tate hasn't had a seizure since October of 2007. He has been completely off his seizures meds since April of 2010. Now that he is off his seizure meds he has caught back up to his peers in school and reads at grade level....a feat we never knew if he would ever accomplish.

This date is always a reminder to me of how precious life is and I thank God for Tate everyday!

Tate this year

Taking "No" for an answer...

As I child, I often remember being told "NO".

NO, you can't have that candy.
NO, you can't have that toy.
NO, you can't treat your little sister like that.
NO, you cannot take the car.
NO, you have to go to school.

I could go on and on. I heard many NO's as a child and even more as a teenager.

As a parent, now I am the one dishing out the NO's. And 5 kids means A LOT of them!

And, I officially became my mother when I dealt out the "You have to learn to take NO for an answer" bit to Ashton recently.

But sometimes NO is NO. And sometimes NO is a blessing.

For example, if you were to indulge your child into every sweet, and sugary treat they asked for...what would happen? Terrible stomach ache. So saying NO was for their benefit.

Well, sometimes God says NO for our benefit too.

My husband John lost his job 3 weeks ago. This is the 3rd lay off in 5 years. He makes a very handsome salary but when you divvy it up between 6 children, not much is left over. It takes a lot of money to run this family we have made.

We have been praying so hard for a job that would take us back home to NC or WVa. Now, weeks later, we are just praying for any job.

But so far, God has been silent.

Interviews have gone well and he has had good feedback. But there is not much work available for what he does in his industry (Product Support Manager for Heavy Equipment).

His salary has already been reduced by thousands since his first lay off in 2006. It's a scary roller coaster. Because of the turmoil of lack of income, and then income slashed by thousands...we were forced to sell our home and take the job in Virginia. Not having insurance for 5 kids is another headache. It is a hard life right now.

I had to move away from my entire family. And now, being stuck here and no job is just beyond depressing. I read this daily devotion dated May 3rd from a Max Lucado book (I love him) and it has given me renewed hope:

Can you imagine the chaos if God honored each request?

"For God has not destined us to the terrors of judgment, but to the full attainment of salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ" (1 Thess 5:9)

Note God's destiny for your life. Salvation. His itinerary includes stops that encourage your journey. He frowns on stops that deter you. When His sovereign plan and your earthly one collide, a decision must be made. Who's in charge of this journey?

If God must choose between your earthly satisfaction and your heavenly salvation, which do you hope he chooses?

Please say a prayer for our family that God will show us where HE wants us.

Easter is About....

I read this passage from this blog:

The Easter Bunny is okay,
And Easter eggs are fun.
But Easter's not about that stuff.
It's all about God's son.

And it hit my heart with a powerful force.

Without the tomb, the cross wouldn't have meant anything. Death had to happen so life could begin. Isn't God so wonderful to give us this gift? At this time, more than ever, being a Christian means so much to me. Through trials and tribulations, God is so good to me. I am unworthy.

⁴ Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. ⁵ God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. ⁶ So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. ⁷ He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. Ephesians 1:4-7 NLT

God's Timing is PERFECT

God's timing is perfect.

I once read in a Max Lucado book that in God's plan, every life is long enough and every death is timely. We shall all face death, but thanks to Jesus, we only face it's shadow.

That is entirely hopeful to me as I continue my life without a Papa Bud.

Last summer, I couldn't bear to think about moving to Richmond while Papa was so sick. But I knew in June that it was inevitable, and by September we would be in Richmond and our in home in NC would be for sale and there was nothing I could do about it.

In July, me and the boys traveled to Richmond to look at some properties. Mama Jo and Papa Bud took care of Tate & Ashton for me the morning we left.

Papa was not having a good day. He looked so weak and disoriented. As I drove the almost 4 hours to Richmond my mind could not accept that this was going to be where my new home is and that I would be so far from Papa.

What if I got the call that he was dying and I couldn't make it in time? I imagined myself trying to make the 4 hour drive safely and I knew it would be the hardest thing to do.

But God, in His infinite wisdom, took Papa home before I ever had to face that obstacle.

We moved a month after his death. I never had to face that dreaded phone call and tortuous drive.

God, in His perfect timing, made sure that Papa was safe in Heaven before I left home.

And now, almost a year to the date of Papa's passing, we will be welcoming Baby Bean into our family.

This was not a planned pregnancy. AT ALL. It is still quite shocking to me. I thought our baby days were behind us. But God, in HIS timing, knew that our family could use some love and hope come August. And instead of dreading that month, we almost are looking forward to it. Thanks to Baby Bean. Thanks to God.

I find out in a few weeks, God willing, what Baby Bean is. I'm hoping, praying for a little boy that I can name after Papa Bud. Of course, only God knows right now if that will come to pass but I truly want and need to pass Papa's name onto a living creature so that the circle remains unbroken.

I am still a little nervous that something could go wrong, I am trying to give that fear to God.

His timing after all, is perfect.

Snow is Coming!

A few months ago my dear sweet cousin Grady (he is more like a nephew to me) wrote God a letter.

He asked God for help with his math. He asked God for help in dealing with Papa's death.

And he asked for snow.

Snow doesn't happen too often in central NC.

Especially a lot of it at once and even more especially it doesn't happen in December.

Well, God decided to give Grady an early Christmas present.

NC is expecting a lot of snow and so is the area in Virginia where we moved.

We are so excited!

Let it Snow Let it Snow, Let it Snow!

Grady knows where to go for help.

Where Was God?

Tate at my moms house, a few weeks before his seizure. This would have been the last picture of him had he left us that day.

The internet can be a wonderful thing. It can also be a bad thing, but for the most part, I find it to be an invaluable resource.

Over the last few months as I have began my blog, I have come across three blogs that have truly touched my life.

One was a man whose wife died one day AFTER the birth of their little girl.

Another was the tragic death of a baby girl. She was less than a year old and had been getting reoccurring ear infections. To the horror of her parents, a cancerous tumor was discovered and this baby died less than two months after her diagnosis. Stunning her family and community.

And just recently, I read of a family whose brave little girl, just 17 months old, had succumbed to a lung infection. This precious baby was born premature, had fought her entire little life to live and just when her parents had thought they were "safe", she died one day after going into the hospital.

When you read these blogs, you can feel the pain these people are feeling. It makes you want to shout to God, WHY!?! Why this mother....why this baby, why this premature baby who has fought so hard....

My youngest son Tate has seizures. His first occurred when he was 2 1/2. I had just returned to my part time job as a church secretary after giving birth to my daughter. I was in the office of our Worship Minister when our receptionist burst into his office and said to me, "You have to get to your moms house, There has been an emergency..."

I asked was it my grandfather--who has congenital heart disease, or my husband-he frequently travels....."No" she said. "It's Tate. He isn't breathing and they have called an ambulance to resuscitate him".

Ok, so I immediately drop my breakfast and fall against the hallway wall. Someone, still don't know who, picks me up. "Dan will drive you", the receptionist says....

Dan? Dan? You mean our minister who lost a dear, sweet baby a few years ago.... I am thinking....Tate must be dead. That's why they are having Dan take me to him. They always send Dan when a child dies.......My mind is racing. We get to the parking lot but I cannot find my car. I cannot remember where I parked it. What it looks like. My mind is blank.

Luckily due to a recent ice storm I had lost a hubcap & Dan recognizes my car. Off we go. We begin the 5 minute drive to my moms house.

My stomach hurts. I want to puke but I don't want Dan to stop the car. How do I tell John our little boy is dead....How do I pick out a coffin for my baby......This is going to kill me"....these thoughts flood my mind. I literally cannot breathe. My heart hurts so bad it is crushing me. I am in shock, I am just a shell.

We finally pull into my moms long driveway...there are EMT and fireman walking in and out of her house. There is a fireman on the porch on his knees, his hands are covering his face...I feel like I am going to pass out.

I jump out of the car while Dan is still driving it and run past the fireman.

I burst into my moms house. On the floor I see my little blonde headed boy, Tate. He has his shirt cut open and he is breathing.

THANK YOU GOD is all I can say. My heart begins to beat. The love I have for that little boy at that moment is still to this day indescribable. It overwhelmed me.

We rush him to the ER by ambulance and after a few tests we discover that Tate has had a seizure. His seizure had caused him to quit breathing. Since Tate had never had a seizure before and wasn't convulsing, my mom thought he had choked. He wasn't breathing and was turning blue when she called 911.

God blessed my world that day.

However, it took months for me to get back to normal.

The darkness that had come across my heart that morning didn't leave even after Tate left the hospital. The thought of death had left its scar. Coming so close to what I thought was losing my son was unbearable...so how do parents who TRULY lose their babies ever survive?

Why hadn't this powerful God blessed the bloggers I mentioned above? Who are we to question God?

God has used these precious lives in a way that the families would have never believed.

The Liz Logelin foundation gives money to families who have lost a spouse or partner.

Little Cora Paige's family has collected donations in hopes of building playgrounds across the country for less fortunate children.

And tiny Maddie Sporh's mom continues to champion awareness and funding for the March of Dimes. Maddie's walk a few weeks ago raised over 30,000.

When bad things happen, people tend to say, WHERE WAS GOD? WHY DIDN'T GOD COME THROUGH?

I understand that...but thank God there is a God. For death, illness, pain...it's a part of life. Even if there was no God these things still would happen. Aren't you thankful that when bad things happen there is a Father waiting for you to dry your tears, provide comfort and even turn something so horrible into a blessing?

Its easy for me to talk about Tate. He survived. He has had several seizures since that day back in 2003, but God has always been there.

God will also use Tate. God is good.

".....and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away." ~REV 21:4