2 months

It's been two months since I last heard the sweetest voice of my life.

A 6:30AM phone call awoke me. My Aunt Beverly, who was staying with Papa in the hospital was on the other line.

"He wants to speak to you" she told me.

"I love you" he said.

"I miss you" was all that I managed to squeak out.

And I was missing him. The two days prior to the 2nd had him heavily medicated & silent and it was a frightening peek into the future that I knew lay ahead.

Our journey was about to take us on separate paths and I was not prepared for the weight of the grief that was looming over me---- ready to drop.

We rushed to the hospital. All of us. Over 19 of his children, grandchildren & great grandchildren huddled around his bedside as the sun rose that hot Monday, August 3rd.

I wondered what he was thinking seeing us all there. Crying over him. Holding one another up as we watched our patriarch slip away.

He had told me many times before that he was the luckiest man alive. That he wouldn't trade places with the richest man on earth.

I believed him. And I could see it in his eyes that he was ready to go.

He fell silent again shortly after telling us goodbye that morning.

The medicine that took his pain away had that side effect. We knew it was coming. But death doesn't come easy for some people. His body held on for two more days.

The last day I spent with him was August the 4th.

I kissed him that evening as I got ready to leave. I didn't want to go but John had already gone back to Richmond. Jonathan & Justin had been home all day with Ashton and I had been at the hospital with Tate since 7am.

I whispered in his ear, "Goodbye Papa. I'm going to take Mama Jo home now but I will be back tomorrow. But you don't have to wait for me if you don't want to. You can go, I will see you soon".

I kissed him, took one last long look at the person who had been the center of my life for my entire life and I drove home. The moment I had dreaded for so long was here.

He died early on the morning of the 5th. It was his oldest sons birthday.

I miss him.

Thank you God for the wonderful gift of "see you soon" and not a forever goodbye. This hope is what keeps me going.

"But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you."
Psalm 39:7

I Will Find You Again by The Perry's

I was there when you crossed over

To the dying part of living

I held your hand and slowly watched you go

Oh I know you’re someplace better than what I can imagine

But I can’t help the way I miss you so

If I have to knock on every mansion door

Walk miles of golden streets

Search among a million saints that rest at Jesus’ feet

I will run along the jasper walls, call your name upon the wind

I will find you again

I would never be so selfish as to pray you back from Heaven

So I could have you longer here with me

So I cherish every memory ‘cause it helps me to remember

That where you are is where I’m gonna be

If I have to knock on every mansion door

Walk miles of golden streets

Search among a million saints at Jesus’ feet

I will run along the jasper walls, call your name upon the wind

I will find you again

Bridge:

Save a seat for me at the table beside you

And tell everyone I’m on my way