It will be Moma Jo's first trip out of Kville since Papa died in August.
He would want her to go. Even though they were not the kind of couple who traveled a lot, Papa loved being outdoors. The home he loved slowly became a prison to him in his last months.
Still, I know it is going to be hard for her to be away from her home.
It is hard for me to be away.
When I visited last month, one of the first things I did after we visited Moma Jo was to walk over to Papa's chair.
I stood behind it (like I would do when he was alive) and I rested my head on the top of the chair (like I would do when he was alive).
Except this time there was no hand that would reach up and pat my head (like he would do when he was alive).
But I still rested my head there and I imagined his big hand patting me.
And I took a deep breath and tried to see if I could smell him (he smelled like Mennen aftershave--the only one he ever used) but I couldn't.
But it still felt good to know that was his chair and I feel his presence in his house although I know his spirit is with God.
I take GREAT comfort in the many SIGNS that God showed to my family in the hours before, during and after Papa's death that can only be attributed to HIS wonderful love.
Here are a few of them:
7/31 My mom calls me at 10am. She tells me Papa is going to the doctor and it looks as if Hospice will be called in. I go to the gas station and the song that is playing is Brad Paisley's song, "When I get to Where I'm Going" and its at the EXACT part where Brad so eloquently sings:
I'm gonna walk with my grandaddy,
and he'll match me step for step,
and I'll tell him how I missed him,
every minute since he left.
Then I'll hug his neck.
and he'll match me step for step,
and I'll tell him how I missed him,
every minute since he left.
Then I'll hug his neck.
7/31 Papa's last night in his house although we didn't know it, Papa did. As I knelt at his feet and looked up at him Papa was looking out of the window. He told me as clear and coherent as I have ever heard him: "I'm going home soon, thats my truck in the driveway". Papa's truck hadn't been in his driveway for a few years. But GOD showed Papa his truck. Papa knew he was going home.
7/31 As I left his house that night, I just cried. I knew it was coming. As I turned into our neighborhood, I saw the most spectacular rainbow. It was almost neon the colors were so glorious. What was strange was it had not been raining or even storming anywhere near our town. But there in the sky was HIS promise to me and I felt assured.
8/2 As Justin and I drive home late from the hospital, I turn the radio on and this song by Alison Krauss is playing. We play it at his funeral.
8/3 The last day Papa would be up talking to us. In a letter Papa had written me 9 years earlier to talk to me about the fact that one day he would be gone, he ended the letter with one of Raini's favorite sayings: DON'T WORRY, BE HAPPY. That afternoon a hospice volunteer brought us a balloon, now remember this is the HOSPICE floor. The balloon she brought in and tied to Papa's bed looked like this:
8/4: As the news passes that he is dead, I begin to write his obituary. We need it done so we can give it to the funeral home. Raini comes to pick me up. She has not yet read what I have written. We pull into the parking lot of the funeral home and she tearfully tells me, "I can't help but think of that scripture that says we aren't supposed to grieve like a bunch of hethrens". I tell her, Raini, that is the scripture I have used in his obituary.
Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. Thess 4:13
8/6: One Friday has passed since I last saw my Papa at his chair. I see a beautiful rainbow as I am heading home from his grave. This is the day of his funeral.
8/13: Another Friday, another rainbow. It is beautiful stretching across the entire sky.
8/28: Moving day. Moma Jo comes over to the house to lend me some much needed support. I give her a bracelet with scripture on it. We look for a Bible to see what scripture it is. My Bible is packed already so I get John's. Out of it falls a church bulletin from 2005. It is the only church bulletin in the entire Bible. The sermon title from that day was "Let the Children Come". That was the theme and scripture Pete used at Papa's funeral.
10/9: It is my first Friday back home in over a month. I am sitting in the parking lot waiting for Jonathan's ortho appt. to be over. I look in the sky and there is a rainbow.
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